Tag Archives for " self-care "
Your child says they can do something themselves. Like, make their own sandwich.
So you get out all the ingredients and they start spreading.
Only, they're gouging the bread with the knife. Parts of the bread have lots of spread on it, and parts are bare.
It looks a mess.
What do you do?
Most of us will jump in and 'save' our child. We'll say something like, "Here, let me help you." And we'll spread things out evenly, or start with new bread.
Basically, we'll 'fix' their 'mistake'. But the thing is, we often don't even wait for them to finish.
We jump in before there are any tears or frustration and we correct things.
I've done it, too. But I've also allowed my kids to make messy, gouged out sandwiches and guess what?
Those are the best sandwiches they've ever eaten.
And here's the thing.
When we jump in and 'save' our kids from possible failure, we're robbing them of an experience.Continue reading
Is this familiar?
Me: “Hello? Did you hear what I said?”
H: “Yes. I heard you.”
Me: “What did I say?”
H: “Ummm. I’m not sure.” Guilty look “I wasn’t listening.”
Gahh! I go internally berserk. Do I really have to say everything twice? Or even three times?
What am I? Some sort of recorded message, saying things over and over and over.
I don’t know about you, but this can drive me mad.
If the TV is on I don’t expect them to hear me. I know I need to mute the television, or stand in front of it, or otherwise gain their attention before speaking.
But when they’re playing with toys or drawing, and the room is quiet I expect things to be different.
Am I alone, or do you also find it difficult to get your kids to listen?
It’s enough to make me want to yell. And rant.
And the really frustrating thing is that one of my two girls often hears me. But not my youngest. Not my little dreamer.
She’s in her own little world. Perfectly content and cocooned.
But I’ve found a solution. Something so simple I’m kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner.
In fact, it not only solves the problem, it allows me to vent too.
And it all started when my daughter hated her teacher.Continue reading
Ever feel stuck?
Even in a small way, like about dinner.
I often get stuck thinking, “I hate having to decide what to cook for dinner every night.”
And kids get stuck too, on things like, “Oh, not peas again. I hate peas.”
Or, “Do we HAVE to go grocery shopping? Grocery shopping sucks!”
There’s a lot about life that can be tedious and boring and cause us and our kids to get stuck.
Once we get something into our heads, it’s like it gets etched there.
Particularly if it’s behaviour related.
We fall into a rut and before we know it we feel like we’re stuck in our own personal Ground Hog day.
Sentenced to live the same routine over and over and over until we get it right.
In Ground Hog Day Bill Murray lives the same day over and over. And it gets pretty boring so he starts playing around with it.
He tries different behaviour to see if he gets a different result.
He’s so bored with living the same day over and over that he wants to break the cycle.
And that’s the key.Continue reading
Does this sound familiar?
You’re constantly tired exhausted and on edge. So you’re less patient than you’d like.
The kids get under your skin. You try to stay calm but you’re so tired you crack. You lose it and yell or slam the door.
As soon as you do, you feel worse.
You’re tired and cranky and impatient and now … you’re also drowning in guilt. And self-loathing.
You hate not being the parent you wished you would be.
The calm, patient, understanding person you want to be. The person who has everything in order and under control.
Instead, you feel like crap. Useless, impatient, and imperfect.
You’re snapping at the kids. The house is a mess. Nothing is as it should be.And what’s worse is that now you have to find the energy to try and fix it all.
When you’re so exhausted you could sleep for a week.
So what’s the solution?Continue reading
Don’t pretend you haven’t imagined it.
Every parent on the planet fantasizes about disowning their children at some stage. It might be fleeting and frivolous, but we’ve imagined it or joked about it.
We’ve thought about how much easier it would be to have a pet.
Or jested about changing the locks while the kids are out.
Or talked about swapping our kids for the neighbours kids (who seem so much easier to look after).
We love our kids, but living with them sometimes drives us a bit … mad.
It’s normal. All parents go a little crazy, or feel a little insane at times.
And I’m not suggesting you should actually disown your children.
But I do think it’s healthy to disown some of the emotional baggage around parenting.
Disown the anxiety.Continue reading